Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
