Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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