If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
two words: eviction party
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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