Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
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Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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