I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
