He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
