I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
