He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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