I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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