When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You can't special order awesome
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
