We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
