Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
