So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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