I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
