so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
