Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
