I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
