i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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