You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She announced her abortion via fbk
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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