he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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