i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
