don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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