You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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