God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
