i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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