Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
