i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
