I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
