Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
