all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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