If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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