its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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