The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
