My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
