My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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