A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
