Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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