And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
