I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
