I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
