I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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