I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
