i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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