after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
