I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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