i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
honey bunches of taint.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
