doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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