How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Couch. On fire.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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