Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
