Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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