I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize