Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
