After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
