So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
