remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
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I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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