people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
