I think my vagina is haunted
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
