Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
