Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
