there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
