im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
