I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
