maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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