Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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