someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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