My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
