I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
