This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
