DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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