apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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