Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
