epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
