Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
