he puts the penis in happiness.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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