God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
