yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
