i jhust puked up my retainher.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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