you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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